


Whole World is Shaking Now

by RowboatCop



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Comatose Fitz, Coulson trying to keep fewer secrets, F/M, GH-325, Jemma deserves to have Coulson believe in her dammit, Tahiti, guilty Coulson, skoulsonfest2k14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 23:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2207655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RowboatCop/pseuds/RowboatCop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skoulsonfest2k14 Day 3 prompt “TAHITI” : Coulson and Simmons talk about TAHITI and giving GH-325 to a loved one. Skye/Coulson is background on this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole World is Shaking Now

**Author's Note:**

> This started out ages ago as a Simmons piece that went nowhere because apparently I can only actually write Coulson. And apparently I can only write Coulson who is obsessed with Skye?

“Sir, I need all the research on GH-325.”

Simmons sits down in the chair across from his new desk at the Playground. He thinks of this chair as Skye’s, given that she’s the only one who ever really sits there.

Instead of sitting comfortably, as the usual occupant would, Simmons crosses her ankles primly and folds her hands into her lap. It’s the extreme attempt at formal manners that tells him how close to the edge she probably is. This discussion was always going to happen, of course. He’s been preparing himself since he found out how bad Fitz’s condition is.

“Simmons, I know you care about Fitz —”

“No.” Her tone is harsher than he’s ever heard it, and she pauses just long enough to force out a smile and take a calming breath — to make herself look more like Jemma. “No, _Director_ Coulson.” He doesn’t like the way she says it — putting extra distance between them. “I do not _care_ about Fitz. Fitz has been my partner and best friend for a decade.” Her tight smile falls at those words, leaving him terribly afraid that she’s about to burst into tears. It only takes her a moment to reset her expression, though. “And now, he’s in a coma with extreme, irreparable neurological damage that will likely leave him in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.”

“Simmons…”

“Director Coulson.” She forces another smile. “I have asked nicely and repeatedly. I have demonstrated my loyalty to you and to SHIELD. But you persist in keeping secrets from me — secrets which, while at one time were merely of professional curiosity, are now endangering the life of part of our team. And more than that, a part of _my team_. Fitz and I are a team, sir, and our bond is more important to me than whatever ties I have to your new SHIELD.”

“Jemma…”

“No. _No_. You will _not_ placate me.”

She finally uncrosses her ankles and unclasps her hands, which thud down on the desk in front of her. At the loud noise, he sees movement outside his door and glances up to catch sight of Agent Triplett lingering in the hall.

He thinks, rather ridiculously, that the specialist is at hand to restrain Simmons if anything gets out of hand. The hard look Trip throws at Coulson quickly lays out the state of affairs, though.

“You _need_ me,” Simmons continues, now fully angry and not pretending to hide anything behind a facade of prim and proper. It’s actually a relief to see her just be herself, to let go of the mask she’s been wearing that everything is somehow alright. “ _I_ am the best scientific asset you have right now, that SHIELD has right now, and I _will_ leave this team _and SHIELD_ if you will not help me save Fitz. I refuse to keep showing loyalty to someone who will not return the favor.”

He nods once and watches her closely as she gathers herself across the desk from him. She glances backwards, where he sees her and Triplett exchange a meaningful look, though the exact meaning is lost on him. He supposes that were he to let down Simmons about this, he would lose Triplett as well — not that he has any intention of disappointing Simmons.

“Sir,” Her voice cuts through his thoughts, but he interrupts her.

“There’s something I need to show you.”

Simmons takes a deep breath and really looks at him for the first time since she sat down — without grief and anger clouding her vision. He smiles lightly and sees her shoulders relax, her whole body sag back against the chair.

“Oh. Well...good, then.”

It pains him that he has given her good reason to think he would dig his heels in about this, but he knows that he has. And she makes a valid point — an important point — that he knows he needs to hold onto: SHIELD has to show loyalty to its operatives as much as it expects loyalty in return.

(He remembers Skye sneering at the plan in the Hub — _is that what SHIELD's all about? Level 5s are more expendable than Level 8s?_ And it's no. The answer has to be no.)

So, yes, he needs to tell Simmons this.

“But...as my doctor?”

He glances up towards Trip and sees the other man nod once — at Simmons, though, not at him — before closing the door and walking away.

When she turns back to him, he raises his eyebrows in silent question.

“Moral support. In case you refused.”

“I wouldn’t have. Honestly, Jemma, it doesn’t make me happy to have to hide things from you, but this…”

He takes a deep breath and pulls up the video. The Video. He’s thought of little else since arriving at the Playground, and it’s heavy — heavy thoughts.

Coulson turns his laptop towards her, presenting her with a screen declaring that the video to follow was for Level 10 access.

“Sir, this is...I’m only…”

“I know, Simmons. You have special dispensation from the Director.”

She smiles at that.

“This video was made some time before the attack on New York — I still don’t know how long before — by the agent in charge of Project TAHITI. When I went down into the Guest House, what I found was that GH-325 is of alien origin. There was a dead alien — a large, blue humanoid — from which the raw ingredients of the serum were extracted.”

Her eyes widen at the description.

“That’s all I knew until May brought me this video. I want to be clear that when I refused to let you spread information about GH-325, all I knew was that it was of alien origin. All Skye knows is that it is of alien origin.”

He hits play, and Simmons gasps.

“That’s you.”

Coulson hits pause, but keeps his eyes down. Away from her gaze.

“Yes. It is.”

“You don’t remember making this video, do you?”

“No. I don’t remember Project TAHITI at all.”

“So when they changed your memories…”

“They changed my memories going back months if not years before my death,” he finishes her thought, and her mouth drops open.

He still doesn’t know. His conversation with Fury had been so derailed by strong emotions on both sides, by Fury’s refusal to treat it as a problem, by his inability to truly stand up to the man, that he’s somehow managed to _still_ be in the dark about TAHITI.

Despite her shock, Simmons is silent, and Coulson again presses play. She stays like that — motionless, mouth pressed into a grim line — as the video plays through.

“So that’s why May was assigned to watch you,” she murmurs when the video ends.

“Yes.”

“But May hasn’t seen any signs of mental distress. None of us have.”

“No.”

“Have there been, though?”

He inhales, preparing to answer, but nothing comes out.

“There have been, haven’t there?”

“Last night. I think last night was the first time. And it’s not mental distress so much as…”

“Sir?”

“I need to show you.”

She can obviously read his hesitence.

“Sir, whatever happened, it will be okay.”

He tries to smile, but clearly fails miserably when her worried face just gets more worried. Still, though, he stands from his desk and points to the storage closet where he had woken up this morning. Together, they walk there, Coulson feeling like he’s being walked to his doom.

Simmons gasps at the familiar — though much, much larger — design on the wall.

“Is that…?”

“It’s the pattern that Amador was supposed to photograph, yes.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know. I think I was asleep. It was just...there. I don’t know what it is, but it’s...big. Important.”

“So you drew this?”

“Yes.”

“I… I don’t…”

“Jemma, I’m showing you this because I don’t want to keep secrets from you. You’re right, you know — you are the greatest scientific asset SHIELD has. I respect that, and I also respect the fact that you’re looking for a cure for Fitz, and this might be part of that.”

She nods dumbly, eyes still tracing over the wall.

“I also want you to know because I need you to watch me...and Skye.” He pauses for too long, eyes on the ground, as he thinks of Skye, and when he finally meets Simmons’s eyes, she frowns. “I haven’t told her any of this, yet. I don’t know if I should. I don’t like keeping secrets from her, and I don’t know if I’m protecting her or not.”

“I think you should tell her, sir. She’ll be livid if you keep it from her, you know, but also...most of the procedures done to you weren’t done to her. She wasn’t...she wasn’t actually dead.”

“Thanks to you,” he adds, giving her a small smile.

“And Fitz...Fitz isn’t dead either.”

He swallows, his face turning grave.

“I want Fitz to get better. I know I can’t want it as badly as you do, but I need you to believe me that seeing to his recovery is a priority. I just want to make sure that whatever recovery we can give him is a real recovery, and not…”

“A path to insanity?” She forces a smile, but he can see the fear and doubt in her eyes.

Coulson returns her false smile with a tight, upward tilt of his own lips.

“I’m sorry, sir. I know this must have been very hard on you…”

“Yes, but that doesn’t diminish how hard it’s been on you.”

He lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, and Simmons loses the tight grip she’s kept on her emotions. She wipes a hand under her eyes, trying to brush away tears faster than they can fall, but Coulson’s hand, rubbing comforting circles on her upper back, seems to undo her.

“He told me…” She chokes on a sob as the tears fall harder. “He told me that I was more than his best friend. He told me that he had been too afraid to tell me before, and then he…” She isn’t able to speak after that, the sobs almost stealing her ability to breathe, but Coulson keeps rubbing her back.

“He tried to give his life for you. As I recall, you tried to do the same for him. You two...you’re both braver than the specialists give you credit for.”

“It’s so hard,” she whispers. “I don’t know… I don’t even know how I feel, except that I need him to be better. I just _need_ him to be better.”

“I know.”

“Do you… Do you regret giving the drug to Skye? Given it’s origins, and now knowing what you know?”

“No,” he answers, turning his eyes to the floor. “I couldn’t lose her. I had serious doubts when I saw the alien, but I’m glad I didn’t have a chance to stop you. I think I’d probably do it again, and sometimes I think it’s selfish of me. But no, Simmons, I can’t regret it, even now.”

“Do you think…”

“Do I think it would be worth it for you to give GH-325 to Fitz?”

“Well, that’s not exactly an option, is it? I’ll work on a synthetic, which will be entirely different…”

“Do you know what Skye said to me when I told her what I had done to her?”

“No?”

“She said that she was just glad to be alive. The guilt I felt...it didn’t matter to her, it didn’t help her. She was just happy to be alive. And then she told me that, even if we were in the dark about the drug, we were at least in the dark together.”

“You should tell her about this. She would want to know. She would want to share it with you.”

“I know.”

“She won’t hold it against you, you know.”

“She probably should, though. I’d like to be thought of as the kind of person that wouldn’t go along with that kind of human testing. Not even for a little while.”

“You’d like _her_ to think of you that way, you mean.”

He smirks, almost self-deprecatory.

“Skye’s opinion of me is important, yes. As is yours, Simmons.”

“But not like hers.” She tilts her head and stares at him, dawning recognition in her features.

He nods, once, admitting too much in a simple gesture.

“Does she… Does she _know_?”

He searches her face, reading the content of her question.

“No.” Swallows, suddenly nervous at having revealed too much of himself. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe…maybe you should tell her that, too. It’s better to come out with those things when there’s time to...figure them out..”

“We’re going to save Fitz, Jemma. I _promise_ you. We’re going to fix this.”

Simmons nods, putting on a brave face that Coulson matches as he prepares to find Skye.


End file.
